How Can You Deal with Mom-Shaming?
It is all about staying true to yourself as a mom.
While motherhood is touted as one of the most rewarding experiences, it can also be one of the most challenging.
And yes, those moms with kids with special needs do have it much more challenging than moms who only have typical kids. I am just stating facts since I have been in both worlds.
But, that said, being a mom is challenging as it is.
For many mothers with kids without special needs (which is what I will focus on in this article), the journey to parenthood is filled with joy, growth, and deep emotional connections with their children.
However, one of the aspects of modern motherhood that too many moms face is the phenomenon of mom-shaming.
This term describes criticism, judgment, and unsolicited advice targeted at mothers; usually, this concerns their parenting decisions or lifestyle.
Whether their child's behavior, diet, disciplining methods, or choices of career, mom-shaming can be a painful, isolating experience.
We will explore how to deal with mom-shaming and, more importantly, how to stay true to oneself amid the din of criticism in the following article.
Understanding Mom-Shaming
It can come in many different forms: from judgmental comments by onlookers to well-intentioned but intrusive advice, even passive-aggressive social media posts.
Whomever it is coming from, the same general message can often be deciphered: "You're not doing it right."
The level of mom-shaming may vary, but it will always hit emotionally and makes many mothers feel insufficient or unsure about their parenting decisions.
Some common examples of mom-shaming include:
Feeding Choices: Whether a mother decides to breastfeed or uses formula, she may receive judgment from others who either believe one is better over the other.
Disciplinary Practices: Moms who take a more gentle approach to discipline may be criticized by those who favor traditional methods, or vice versa.
Work-Life Balance: Stay-at-home moms are judged for "not working," while working mothers are criticized for not spending enough time with their children.
Parenting Styles: From screen time limits to bedtime routines, everyone seems to have an opinion on how children should be raised.
While it is a human trend to yearn for praise and seeking tips from friends, nobody knows your child better or what fits your circumstance.
Each mom has a particular circumstance to deal with at any specific time of parenting, coupled with peculiar trials and characteristic ways she uses to sail through her work.
How can we respond emotionally to fight the culture of mom shaming and remain original?
Recognize That No One Is Perfect
First, there is a realization that nobody is perfect. Social media, in particular, creates the image of other mothers having their lives together.
They post pictures of their spotless homes, smiling children, and well-balanced meals, thus creating a narrative of perfection that makes us feel bad about ourselves.
In reality, every mother has challenges, doubts, and imperfect moments.
The key to overcoming this pressure is to shift our mindset and accept that it's okay not to have all the answers.
As a matter of fact, one is allowed to make mistakes and learn on the job.
Parenting is not about flawless execution; it's about being present and doing the best you can with the resources available to you.
Once you live in acceptance of this reality, the sting of criticism becomes easier to handle.
Trust Your Instincts
Every mother has a unique relationship with her child, and as such, her parenting style will be tailored to her family's needs.
Trusting your instincts is important in navigating criticism. You know your child better than anyone else, and you are the one who is best equipped to make decisions that align with your values and goals.
When faced with criticism, remind yourself: What does my child need? What feels right for our family?
If you feel sure about your decisions and trust that they are in the best interest of your child, the criticism of others will mean less.
It's also helpful to keep in mind that parenting is a journey and what works for your family today may not work tomorrow.
Flexibility and openness to change are signs of a good parent, not a flaw.
Establish Boundaries
Setting boundaries with people who give unsolicited advice or criticism is one of the most potent ways to handle mom-shaming.
While family, friends, and even strangers may mean well, there comes a line where their remarks start to sting.
It is very important to protect your emotional well-being by setting clear-cut limits on what you will and will not tolerate.
If someone offers advice that you didn’t ask for or makes a critical comment about your parenting choices, consider responding with a polite but firm boundary.
For example, you might say:
“I appreciate your concern, but I’m confident in my decision.”
“I prefer not to discuss my parenting choices, thank you.”
“Every family is different, and I’ve chosen what works best for us.”
Remember, you do not have to explain or justify yourself to anyone.
Your parenting is nobody's business but yours, and setting boundaries can help you protect your peace of mind.
Find a Support System
Mom-shaming can be very lonely, but it doesn't have to be that way.
Finding a supportive network of other mothers who understand the challenges you face can make all the difference.
This support system will reassure, encourage, and provide an avenue to vent where judgment will not be passed.
Consider joining online parenting communities, attending local mom groups, or simply reaching out to a close friend or family member who shares your values.
The key is to surround yourself with people who uplift you and offer genuine support.
When you have a network of people who validate your choices and help you navigate difficult moments, the impact of mom-shaming is lessened.
Let Go of Guilt
One of the most common feelings mothers experience as a response to mom-shaming is guilt.
Whether it's guilt over working outside the home, guilt over choosing formula over breastfeeding, or guilt over setting boundaries with your child, not measuring up can be overwhelming.
The first step in releasing guilt is to recognize that often, it comes from outside pressures, not from an internal sense of failure.
Ask yourself: Is this guilt coming from my own values or from societal expectations?
Often, it's the latter, and once you distinguish between the two, it becomes easier to let go of guilt.
Along with that comes the ability to exercise self-compassion. Nobody's perfect, and everyone stumbles in various ways, day to day.
Setting yourself free from having to make no mistakes, always to be "on," and learning to take a time-out helps your own emotional stability and those of your children.
Respond with Confidence and Grace
The way to handle mom-shaming, at times, is with confident responses and grace.
Even as it is most often hard not to enter the fight or justify yourself, often, the most adequate action would be to make it clear in a cool manner that it's your opinion, before continuing onward.
Confidence in one's decisions can defuse the critics, while a calm state will not escalate the situation.
You don't have to play the negativity.
By responding with grace and self-assurance, you are telling her in a mannerly way that you will not be ruffled by any negative remarks from other people.
Conclusion
Mom-shaming will never be easy to get through, but it's possible to go through with authenticity and graciousness confidently.
Recognize nobody's perfect; trust your instincts, set boundaries, find support, let go of guilt, and respond confidently- the keys to staying true to yourself and your parenting choice.
After all, what will work is what works for you and your family.
You are the expert in your life, and nothing said against you should override the love and care given to your children.
Be strong, stand confident, and enjoy your motherhood the way it unfolds.
Social media has to be one of the worst places to get this from. People who don't know you, can't see the whole picture, and are anonymous to you.