Coping with Life's Unfairness: A Guide to Find a Way to Cope with This Reality
Because your other option is to wallow in misery about this which is not what you will want!
When I was knee-deep into struggling with special needs parenting, my weight, and working to make ends meet to pay for my son's therapies and just having other expenses, unless there was respite available, which didn't happen as much as I had liked, there were no vacations.
I remember this was back in 2007, as it was a terrible year; I had just created a Facebook account and made the mistake of looking up my old high school bullies, and I found that they were in successful jobs, had "perfect kids" and flashed their vacation pics.
That felt like a stab in the heart to me. Here I was, a victim of their bullying me, and I was the one continuing to struggle with the crappy hand life had given me while they got away with what they did, coasting by.
At that time, I did not even consider how those who post those "perfect" pictures on social media only show their highlight reels and keep their life struggles hush-hush.
However, if anyone had told me that at the time, I would not have cared as I was so entrenched with bitterness about my struggles and childhood trauma that I did not address them as I would not have listened.
However, you also hear about stories such as a vicious Nazi who committed atrocities living the high life into old age in England and was not caught until he was a wealthy centenarian, or close to that anyway. The point I am bringing out is that life can be pretty unfair.
Let’s talk about something we all face but rarely like to admit: life’s unfairness. Whether it’s a personal loss, systemic injustice, or simply bad luck, you’ve likely experienced the sting of life not playing out the way you expected.
It’s tough, and it's normal to feel angry or overwhelmed when you or someone you love is receiving something unfair.
Sadly Life Is Unfair and What Can You Do About It?
What can you do about it? First, let’s acknowledge a hard truth: life’s unfairness is unavoidable. But instead of letting it consume you, your first step is acceptance.
The more you try to deny or resist this reality, the more frustration you invite into your life.
Believe me, I’ve been there, and while accepting life’s unfairness doesn’t magically fix everything, it allows you to stop battling the inevitable and find peace in what you *can* control.
Once you stop fighting against the idea that life *should* be fair, you open yourself to a healthier mindset.
It’s not about giving up; it’s about realizing that while you can’t control the world’s randomness, you *can* control how you respond. Trust me, staying stuck in resentment or bitterness will only weigh you down. I have been there.
So what’s next? Start with gratitude. I know it sounds cliché, but you don’t have to be thankful for the hard stuff. And believe me, back in the day, if someone told me to create a gratitude journal, I would have rolled my eyes.
But the truth is, it helps a lot when you think about the unfairness of life. Instead, find those small things that still bring you joy—whether it’s the people who support you or even just the little wins you experience each day.
Focusing on what’s good when life feels unfair can help balance the negativity.
Also, remember you’re not alone. Everyone experiences their own version of life’s unfairness.
Knowing that can provide some significant comfort when you widen your perspective and consider the struggles others face.
It builds empathy and reminds you that while your situation might feel isolating, others are navigating similar hardships.
Let's Talk About Building Resilience and Pick Apart that Phrase
Building resilience is key. While life’s unfairness may throw you off course, you can strengthen your ability to deal with it.
Whether it’s through activities that calm your mind, such as exercise, or finding creative outlets to express yourself, focus on what you can do to regain control over your reactions.
And by the way, I am not saying here that hardships and trauma make you "stronger." I hate that assumption so many people make because they think you can handle future tragedies.
Those telling you "how strong you are" is a form of pity after you tell them about your hardships (that is because they are saying, "Thank goodness it is you going through it instead of me." Anyway, I digress.
My point is that building resilience when it comes to facing life's blows does NOT mean "you are so strong that you can handle any type of grief and trauma," like many of those who say it (as some do say it as they think it is encouraging) want to think.
You Cannot Handle Struggles Alone
And don’t underestimate the power of your support system. Having loved ones who understand, validate, and support you can make all the difference.
Surrounding yourself with people who care helps you face life’s challenges with less fear and isolation.
Even though unfairness is part of the human experience, it’s often in those challenging moments that you find personal growth (sorry if this sounds like toxic positivity, but sadly, it is the case).
Your difficulties can help you uncover inner strength, sharpen your values, and give you a new sense of purpose. Instead of viewing life’s hardships solely as setbacks, see them as opportunities for transformation.
But remember, I am talking about those who you see getting the upper hand while you get a crappy hand.
I am NOT talking about extreme tragedy and significant grief that numbs you. And again, if you rely on your support system, you will find this is the case as you cannot cope so well if you isolate yourself while struggling.
You won’t always have the answers, and that’s okay. The goal isn’t to solve the problem of unfairness but to develop the tools to live with it in a way that helps you thrive. Life’s unfair moments don’t have to define you; how you handle them does.
It’s important to remind yourself that this journey is ongoing; some days will feel heavier than others.
When life's unfairness feels too much, lean into your support systems, be kind to yourself, and stay grounded in the strategies that help you cope. The path forward is one of patience, resilience, and self-compassion.
While unfairness will always be part of the human story, how you face it can lead to wisdom, strength, and even a deeper appreciation for life’s complexities.
Ultimately, it’s not about avoiding the storm but learning how to weather it with grace and courage.
All of this. So true. In addition to gratitude and acknowledging that "highlight reels" of supposedly successful bullies probably hides misery, I comfort myself with the notions of soul contracts and karma. 🙏
Very well articulated. I loved this: "Believe me, I’ve been there, and while accepting life’s unfairness doesn’t magically fix everything, it allows you to stop battling the inevitable and find peace in what you *can* control." It's true. You'll only end up more miserable if you fight against accepting the unfairness of life in this world. And as an old teacher told me: "The *Fair* only comes once per year--and you even have to buy a ticket to get in."